How kindness works?

This one is partly inspired by kind-hearted, who mentioned that I hadn't blogged "in a while."

I'm dedicating this blog to kindness (not kind-hearted...hehe...you already got one dedicated to you). After watching Fruits Basket, (and still hoping to watch it with my mommy for a fourth time), I have been constantly trying to be a kinder, better person. I believe I have done a pretty good job too. I have spent more time with Green, who just recently turned 9, I have been MORE accepting of people, and have been trying to love more and judge less.

But, you see, as someone tries to become kinder, it isn't always a perfect system, because it causes more friction with people who are extremely judgemental, it's hard not to be judgemental ,and maybe equally rude, to someone who is going against your new strong beliefs. I've been accepting though, just not openly or obviously accepting...which I've never been number one at to begin with.

Let me give you a few examples of my struggles that all occurred at my new lifeguarding job this past Monday. Well to start off, I was somewhat clueless because, although, I had gotten certified recently, I had no idea about the cleaning or maintenance of the pool. When the pool manager came to the pool, she brought with her some wonderful help. His name, I could barely pronounce, but it sounded something similar to the American word "dish." So, after telling Dish it was my first day and that I was pretty clueless, he told me "not to worry" and "he would help" in his thick Bulgarian accent. Yep. That's right. He was a transfer student from Bulgaria who had been a lifeguard for 5 years and spoke pretty decent english (he never misunderstood anything I said). And not only did I accept this, but I thought it was AWESOME! It made me feel so American and so unknowledgable. I respected that he had the guts to be here in a foriegn country and looked up to him, since I might be planning to go somewhere someday. I could only imagine lifeguarding at a pool in a different country and speak a language that I'm not confident I can fully communicate well in. He was also very accepting and sarcastically funny; he was a big part of why my first day at work was a good one.

So onto my next attempt to be accepting. There was this girl at the pool, who looked about 12 years old and she was spending time with two younger girls (who looked to be about 9 or 10). She reminded me a lot of a friend I used to have because she was extremely bossy, liked to be the best and in control, and laughed at the other two girls, A LOT. Now as I though about these reasons for not liking this girl and watched her more, I realized that when I was younger, I acted like her before too, and she must be feeeling insecure about herself and she must feel she needs to prove herself, especially since she is older and "more mature" than the other girls she was hanging out with. So I told myself to accept her, and hoped that she would still find happiness and not always feel like she has to prove herself.

And to complete the circle, I have one more (failed) attempt at kindness.
There were a group of boys from the ages of 9-13 that stayed at the pool from 12 to 7 pm (the whole day) and were born (or should I say bred) troublemakers. This group was influend by one of the older boys who was just an overall mean boy and BAD influence. He was throwing balls in people's faces that he had just met, making fun of everyone, diving in the shallow end, not getting fully away from the water and sticking his feel in during adult swim, and this could go on, but the problem was, I would warn him once and he would never do the same thing wrong twice. He was either really smart or really sneaky. But I noticed this group of boys were all talking to Dish when he was on the stand and they were laughing and being obnoxious. Then I heard one of the kids call him stupid, and I SAW WHICH ONE OF THEM SAID IT. Dish was clearly upset and trying figure out who it was and kick the kid out, but they weren't respecting him and they thought his accent was funny and they weren't clearly responding to him. So I walked over there and I threw kindness out the window...I wasn't going to be able to get through to these kids by being kind (like I had all day). I walked over with the intent of getting it through to them, that if they ever disrespect him or any lifeguard like that again, they WILL NOT be swimming in this pool.

I said in a very firm voice, "Did someone call him stupid?"

They all look at me and then look at the kid who said it and a few of them pointed.

I then look straight at him, "Did YOU call him stupid?"

He looks menacingly at me and then flashes a quick smile before replying, "Maybe..."

I then say something to the extent of, "Yes. You did. That is EXTREMELY disrespectful. You DO NOT call a lifeguard stupid. We take it very SERIOUSLY. This is our only warning, and if you ever disrepect him like that again, we have EVERY RIGHT to kick you out of the pool."

No one was smiling. (except maybe Dish...just a little.)

No one said anything...until I looked at the kid one more time and said, in a much kinder and understanding voice, "Do you understand?"

He nodded and replied "Yes mam."

And before walking away I replied "Thank you."

I looked up at Dish and he look grateful that I had helped him handle the situation (cause really I could have just sat on my butt and let him handle it...but they were being so rude...I had to intervene...I had been on auto-drive and I was blinded by their out-right rude behavior to someone who had been so accepting and kind to me). He also said a few things to reconfirm to them that we really did have the right to not let them swim at the pool if they weren't behaving. This whole even had occurred and hour or so before the pool closed (or should I say "we closed the pool"), and after the incident, every one of those kids behaved like angels.

So I'm trying my best to be kind, while still ensuring pool safety. Which is definetly not an easy task. And of course still trying to be kind in my everyday life, which is not as challenging as lifeguarding, but is by no means simple. But as Tohru (heroine from Fruits Basket) says "Kindness isn't something people are born with..." I also believe kindness is something you have to work at, but it is more than worth the effort.

"Love all, Trust a few, Do harm to none."
-Shakespeare